Story Behind This Song

I wrote this song shortly after my father was diagnosed with cancer in December 2006. My dad is not only an incredible man, but my pastor, and one of my closest friends. When we received the news that he was ill, I became more angry than I’ve ever been in my life. I simultaneously wanted to throw up and put my fist through a wall. I was mad at the devil, but I was furious with God. ‘How could you, in your sovereignty, allow this to happen?’ I couldn’t understand it. The timing just didn’t make sense. God was moving in the church, amazing things were happening, ministries were being raised up, God had promised us so much. How could this possibly be happening? I felt like I was trapped in horrible nightmare that I just couldn’t escape from. In the beginning it was so hard to ‘look God in the eye.’ It was so difficult to trust. And yet as I contemplated my options I thought, I have two choices here. I can stay mad at God, withdraw from everything I know to be true, and basically forfeit my hope. Or I can choose to worship the Lord in the midst of this suffering, tell Him that He is good, and believe He is going to bring beauty out of this fire. In the end, the choice was clear, and the supernatural strength and emergency grace He has released to me since that decision have been nothing short of miraculous.